I spent 15 years of my life heavily medicated. I was on the maximum dosage of antidepressants and yet I still felt something was wrong. I also hated the fact that my happiness was seemingly reliant upon a pill. I tried many times to get off them but it was just too hard. Looking back I am grateful I was put on medication from a young age, because I believe I may have become very self-destructive if I hadn't. But, I also now see that my "diagnosis" was incorrect. I was told that there was a chemical imbalance in my brain and I would never be happy without medication. This was simply not true. I now know that I was just in a lot of pain and nobody knew how to help me. My parents both took antidepressants most of their lives so they assumed that they had "passed it on", to me. Which made sense because I had a seemingly normal childhood with no real trauma. Now, I understand that trauma does NOT always look like an terrible incident. Please know this, too.
Anything that is stressful to your system as a child acts like trauma in the body. We develop coping mechanisms that later must be addressed. Otherwise, we will operate from these coping mechanisms our whole life. Those parts of us cannot recognize that we have grown up and that the threats to our wellbeing are no longer present.
I was eventually able to get off medication and find some happiness by working with an acupuncturist, supplementing with mood-enhancing vitamins, and a full-blown lifestyle change. I moved to California, took up yoga, and changed my diet. This was a huge change! Yet, still... I struggled. I was happier and off all medications, but I was tired a lot, I still had a lot of meltdowns, I struggled financially no matter how much I worked, and all my relationships quickly fell apart. I also seemed to sabotage every opportunity that came my way and began getting migraines and back pain. It didn't matter how positive my thinking was, how many affirmations I did, or how much yoga I did. There was still work to be done.
I eventually began to understand that everything is energy. And anything that doesn't get fully processed through our systems, becomes stuck. Everything experienced from our childhoods, if not met with unconditional love and care, becomes frozen in the body. If we experience repeated trauma and are not able to get back to a feeling of safety and wellness, then we develop very strong protection mechanisms and defense patterns.
It's helpful to think of depression as everything being de-pressed in our energy systems. Literally pressed down or repressed. People who suffer from depression tend to have a very repressive nature. We turn our pain inward on ourselves. All of this energy must be liberated.
After years of working with Network Chiropractors (basically energetic chiropractic that helps restore the nervous system) as well as other energy healers, I finally began to see progress. But, it wasn't until I found a very specific school that blended ancient Tibetan Buddhist meditation practices with modern psychotherapy, that I have FINALLY really broken through it all. This modality taught me how to ALLOW emotions, energy, and resource (universal energy) to flow through my system. They also held powerful, unconditionally-loving space for all of my wounded parts. I learned there was never anything actually wrong with me. But, I was very wounded. Honestly, we are ALL quite wounded. The "basic" expectations of modern society create a lot of their own trauma. There is also a lot of misinformation around parenting - especially for the baby boomers generation. The lack of importance around spirituality and energy and the over-focus on achievement can all traumatize a soul.
I'm happy to share that I now offer this powerful healing. It feels so good to help people and I now know that I experienced much of my pain so that I could empathize with those also struggling. I wouldn't change my path for anything. Those of us who struggle have BIG roles on this planet. If we didn't struggle, we wouldn't go seeking anything. We would simply comply. We are the change makers. We have been in the depths and can understand the pain and suffering on the earth.
May we rise above our pain and come together to create change. I am here for you. You are not alone.
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depression, depression, depression